Step right up! Step right up! I’ve got all the latest tonics for your everyday needs! Missing a little flavour in your life? Do you float through life oblivious of the many situations full of caustic hilarity? Then try our Ironic Tonic and open your eyes to the stupidity of the people around you. Or perhaps the Sardonic Tonic for those who want to openly mock those stupid people. If you’d like to learn a new language, try our Ebonic Tonic! You’ll be talking like thizzle in no time.
If it’s large weeping sores that are more your taste then try our Bubonic Tonic, it’s deadly! You will almost certainly die in a horrible, horrible way. But hey, I’m not here to judge. To each their own.
On a lighter point perhaps try our Demonic Tonic, for those with a darker side. Let your inner devil run free and cause the kind of mayhem your pathetic regular self barely dreams of! Who knows, you may find yourself waking up in a church after a night of debauchery with no recollection of the night’s events and have to piece together what you’ve done by following the trail of destruction half way across the country! And if that’s your idea of fun then buy my Tonic!